It’s almost 2025 Part 2

It’s the last week of kindy. 4 days left, assuming she doesn’t come down with some last minute bug as children do. She is going to truly miss one particular teacher that she has connected with, and who takes such good care of her. I have tried to speak to her about the fact that she needs to say goodbye to Miss Trish, but she assures me that she has invited Miss Trish to her birthday party (in April) and that she’s coming. (She’s not.)

This is going to break her heart as much as leaving Miss Charlotte at daycare last year did. E does not connect with many people - and indeed we have been told by her teachers that she doesn’t have specific friends at kindy - but when she does, it’s intense.

We have been given our class for Prep next year, and the two kids we were hoping for are not in her class, so that’s going to be rough too. But hopefully they have thought it through and put her with kids that will be good for her. She has had multiple transition days at big school for the staff to observe the children’s interactions.

Our biggest challenge that we see for school in 2025 is demand avoidance. E is incredibly smart and driven when it is something that she wants to do, or her idea. The moment you add your opinion, even just a suggestion, she refuses. She has even flat out said “I don’t want to do this because it was YOUR idea.” It makes it difficult even when it comes to things like getting dressed or teeth brushing. We have to be careful what language we use when making requests. For instance if I need to stop at Bunnings on the way home I will say “on the way home, we are stopping at Bunnings to buy X.” Which makes it a simple definitive statement of what is happening. The moment I say “can we stop at Bunnings” or “is it ok if we stop at Bunnings” she will categorically shut down and refuse.

So that’s fun…

next year I will be returning to part time work so that I can be more present and reduce the amount of time that E has to attend before and after school care. Watch this space…

It’s almost 2025 Part 1

 It’s almost 2025 and here we are.  One week of kindy left before the summer holidays arrive and then before we know it, Big School (or “Prep” as we say in QLD) will be upon us.

I have a lot of words and a lot of thoughts tumbling through my head, and need somewhere to write some of it down, so here I am.  Whether that lasts is yet to be seen.

I just read through one of my most “recent” blog posts if you can call it that, and it’s amazing how distant the terrible twos are, when you’re in the tumultuous fours.  As David wisely told me once or twice “it doesn’t get better, it just gets different”. 

Little Miss E continues to amaze, and continues to challenge and amuse us.  She is a bright and busy child and loves to be active, climbing and riding her bike, or playing with her toy Schleich animals or mouse dollhouse.  She is not particularly a girly girl although she does love makeup (a full body experience), jewellery and dresses.  At the same time, she does not play with dolls, but does occasionally dress-up.

She also strongly objects categorically to do anything somebody else wants her to do, whether or not she was already doing it in the first place.  Unsurprisingly, most people notice this, and I wonder what opinions this gives them about us, about our parenting.  It’s a wild ride, this whole being a parent in 2024, under a social media microscope.  Back “in my day”, I doubt my parents had much idea of what we were doing with our time, as long as we turned up for dinner. 

To add: it doesn’t actually MATTER what others think about our parenting, but it does sometimes hurt.  And it’s made harder by the fact that I don’t want to carry around a flag that says “my child has autism” because I want to protect her too.

There, I said it.  It’s a thing, it’s out there in the great unknown, perhaps for no one to read, or are you?  For four years and almost 8 months we have known and loved this girl child.  She is ours, she is undeniably the result of David and myself - and our genetics.  Some of him with some of me thrown in there, muddled around and spat out into this wild haired bright eyed wildling who puts people in their places without the blink of an eye.

Would you be you, if you weren’t the you that you are?  Would I change any part of you?  No… but I would change how the world sees you.  I would change the perspective behind the eyes that observe you, that observe us.  When you melt down with such big emotions because I made a choice for you, I can see.  When you speak your mind so boldly, it’s funny now because you’re four, but I can see.  When you run, and climb, and twirl, while the others are actually listening, I can see.  I can see you when it’s not funny anymore because you’re not four anymore, and it hurts because I want to protect you.  

It’s also very hard to talk to anyone about any of it.  A comment about what we’re struggling with right now (food, extreme pickiness, refusing even safe foods she enjoyed before) is met with “well all children are fussy” or “X won’t eat vegetables either, it doesn’t mean she’s autistic.”  Or even knowing what to say to a fellow kindy parent when your child screeches like a banshee and runs away in tears because the other child gets on the seesaw at the same time as them.  

I have so much to learn… and right now, I have no one to teach me. 

Once again it has been awhile.  2022 has hit us almost with a bigger shock wave than 2021.  The latest on the news is widespread flooding across Eastern Australia plus of course the war in the Ukraine.  It all puts any issues we might have into the insignificant box.  The last weekend, a significant portion of SEQLD flooded - and we were lucky to get away with a damp laundry and some water damaged wood in the garage.  We had spent the weekend in Tasmania visiting Dave’s daughter, and our trip home was affected by the weather - we got diverted into the Gold Coast, had to take a bus from there to Brisbane, and then drive home a very round about way to avoid all of the flooded roads.  But we did get home safely, and all was well.  

We are now looking in to booking our flights to UK/Ireland for July/August and feeling nervous about not only possible Covid disruptions but also war in Europe.  Could it spread?  Could we be heading into WWIII?  Nobody knows at this point.  And other than all of that our biggest issue is trying to work out how to get a car seat in London Heathrow!  

Watching the rain fall down 

The banshee

Mum guilt is the worst.  Getting up yesterday, I felt guilty that E had spent the previous day at daycare and had only 1 day with me before going back for 2 more daycare days… I was so determined to be a fun mum and have a fun day with my little nugget.

Unfortunately the little nugget had other plans.  We started by going outside and playing with bubbles - which she then wanted to hold, saying “turn! Turn! Turn!” Trying to convince her that I would hold the base while she held the wand were unsuccessful, after which she dumped the bubble solution out everywhere, and completely melted down about “BUBBLES!”  I suggested that we do some painting, and she very enthusiastically cried “Pent! Pent! Pent-ing “ while I got it all set up.  A few brush strokes on the paper and a few on her belly and she lost interest, so I got the hose.  She enjoyed pouring the water on the paint for a little bit and then started crying for bubbles again.

Sorry love, the bubbles are all gone.  Cue extreme meltdown and it was only about 8am.  We tried a bath… she cried for bubbles the entire time, and then announced “poo poo” so we very quickly got out and got a nappy on before she followed through! (Success!)

At this point, it was really getting hot outside and no shade on the patio so I suggested we play inside.  Nope, she wanted bubbles.  And chips (“dippies”) so I got her chips, which she screamed at and flung on the floor, so I got her water bottle, which she flung angrily out of my hands.  She didn’t want to play with her play couch, or read a book, or play with anything except for bubbles and a) too hot outside b) there were no bubbles left!!!

By 9:45 I took her to a quiet room to try to calm her hysterical screaming, and she fell asleep… waking by 1015 which was terrible as it meant no later nap at all.  She immediately started screaming for bubbles again, and to go “ousside”.  I tried all sorts of distractions, shall we go in the car?  Finally at 12 we did go in the car and I drove around aimlessly for an entire hour trying to get her to sleep again.  She screamed for “tinkle” (twinkle twinkle little star) and screamed louder and more angrily if I put it on, and all in general made me want to either run away forever, or hide in a dark corner and never come back out. 

When we got home, I gathered up all of our swimming stuff, while she watched Cocomelon, fed it lunch (it screamed) and we headed out to Redcliffe to the lagoon (tinkle tinkle bubbles BUBBLES!!!) but although it was 30 degrees it was also windy so she only lasted about 20 mins in the pool - but at least that was 20 mins during which she wasn’t screaming at me.  

After that, it was after 3, so I figured we may as well stay in Redcliffe for the afternoon, get fish and chips and come back for an early bedtime.  E decided she wanted to push the wagon and then started screaming and melting down because I videoed her pushing the wagon.

She then melted down because she didn’t want to ride in the wagon any more and wanted a cuddle (“duddle”) to which I obliged… and then David who had joined us took her to give my back a break… and she screamed and screamed hysterically for Mummy.  So I took her back so he could go and get takeaway fish and chips because we couldn’t dine in with THAT noise, and she screamed DADDY DADDY DADDDYYYYYYY because he walked away.

It was that kind of day.

Yet here I am with real live pictures of her seemingly having fun, which make a mockery of how the day actually went…

Honestly by the time she was in bed asleep (half an hour early thankfully) I just flopped on the couch and lay there unmoving for 30 mins, without even the energy to scroll on my phone.

So here I am, it’s Wednesday, I am on call and my brat is at daycare and I am SO VERY THANKFUL for daycare and again tomorrow!  It’s so quiet and no one is screaming at me.  HURRAH!!!!!!!!

I am so very tired!  E is just getting over gastro (still not sleeping though) and Dave now thinks he is getting it too, so wish us luck

While I rest my tried self on the outdoor couch, E is drizzling the hose into the sandpit and emptying her bubbles into the water tub so all fun and games… nope now she has added bark to the mix.  YUM.

Anyway all to say I have no energy right now so I will come back later…

One and done (and a bonus child!)

Not everyone’s journey to parenthood is an easy one. 

Pics from yesterday’s jaunt to Nudgee Beach

I have just been listening to a podcast I enjoy, after a hiatus while they moved house, and this is a comment that stood out to me.  I do sometimes wonder what our family would look like if it WAS an easy journey - or indeed if it continued to be an easy journey rather than an every day uphill battle through babyhood and toddlerhood and all of the messes and tantrums and exhaustion that comes with it.

Where someone got horrifically muddy but had a great time

But here we are, our family of 3 and very very occasionally a family of 4 when my bonus daughter comes to stay with us.  Last time she stayed was for E’s birthday in April, and she is coming again to share Christmas with us.  This is very much anxiety inducing for me - I don’t know what she enjoys at Christmas, what she is used to doing at Christmas, and I hope that what we offer will be good enough!  I also worry about her relationship with E.  When she last met E (second time ever), E was very much still a baby, while now she is a toddler with Very Real Opinions and also Very Loud Opinions and I hope that they continue to bond - tough for a previously only child to have to share her dad also - and tough for my only child too! 

playing in the holes left by sting rays 

I didn’t intend this post to be about C’s trip but I guess that’s the way it is going.  She is arriving on Christmas Eve and staying with us for 10 days - which Dave has off as his uni closes over the Christmas period.  We have bought her a very nice Christmas present - unfortunately it is tech which made us twitch a little given how much tech she already has, but really we don’t get the chance to be involved very much with her life so it would be difficult for us - and for her - to change anything in just 10 days!  What is harder, for me, is that her “very nice” tech package is also very small size wise - while Emily’s presents are very bulky.  Will she try to compare?  Will she be jealous?  How do we make both children equal, especially when C will be going home to a second lot of Christmas presents from her other family, which E will not have?  Can we make them equal?  Is it wrong?  So much cause for my brain to go into hyperdrive anxiety mode!  Part of me wonders whether we should give E part of her Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve before C arrives! 😂. It’s not like E will know any better as she is still very small.

And that, folks, is where my brain is at.

Not really the statement I started this post with, but maybe I will expand on that some other time! 

A short update

It’s me again

I got a little lost in my last post and not quite sure where to start again so you’ll have to bear with me and wait for the muse to come back.  Plus, I’m tired due to my toddler deciding it needs to wake all night and not nap properly.  The worst.

“Walking” the dog

We are currently working on upgrading the chair in the nursery - I had hoped that the old marketplace purchase would survive long enough for us to “get by”, but she shows no sign of being ready to discontinue nursing or being held to sleep, and our chair shows every sign of collapsing into a pile of sawdust on the spot.

Dancing in the post storm flood

In other news, I have finished my block of “rolling stand down” which means I should get my next pay - and I have 2 flying days rostered before the end of the month, so fingers crossed they don’t get cancelled again.  It sounds as though we will have more flying in November due to borders beginning to open between states.  NSW have announced that they are opening international borders but QLD are staunchly waiting until 90% vaccinated so it will still be a few months before we can travel overseas. Mentally I am already preparing for this! 

This is just a short post to say I am still here… maybe my muse is gone because I have cut down my calories.  Furiously trying to lose the baby weight 18 months post baby… it is HARD, folks.  You have no idea how much I want to eat all of the carbs.