Equality and other nonsense

Today upset me from the moment I woke up.  Maybe upset is the wrong word, maybe just low for no reason (or at least none that I wish to talk about) and angry at Fate which put me in that particular headspace at that particular moment.  Lots of stars aligning to make me feel completely unable to Adult.  Unfortunately, I had a couple of things planned that I wasn't really able to renege on - which is probably a good thing otherwise I'd still be lying on the floor in the media room feeling lonely and horribly sorry for myself, which isn't very useful.  I'm not even going to begin to get into why I should feel sorry for myself.  I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful: and then on the other hand I'm a little bit bitter and twisted and sulky that things don't always go my way.

On the subject of bitter and twisted, I had brought the day back to a fairly even keel this afternoon, after buying climbing shoes and approach shoes and rock climbing, and although I still hadn't managed to have breakfast, things were cheering up in the Brain of Kate.  Until I got an email from work saying I was rostered on the First Ever All Female Crew YAY TO ALL THE WORLD and I could we please Ensure Pictures Are Taken.

Which promptly flipped about the Brain of Kate into Officially Angry Mode.  

Steam pouring out of the ears Angry Mode.

I don't get it.  Maybe this is something that I, alone, struggle with but oh well.  It's my blog and I dare you tell me that I can't.  

Did anyone take a picture of the First All Male Crew?  Oh, I wonder why not.  Would that be sexist, by any chance?  I already think I got the job - and probably all of my jobs - simply by virtue of the fact that I have female genitalia - and this crap just makes it worse.  

Do I want equality?  Yes, 100% - but I don't want Over Compensated Equality which isn't really equal at all and is Making Up For Years of Torment Under The Hands of Evil Men or whatever they sprout their mouths off about this week, or next week, or whatever week it may be.  I have had bitter male pilots come up to me and complain that I'm taking jobs away from people who actually deserve it.  I feel like I have to study at least twice as hard as any man - not because I can't do as well - but so that I can somehow prove that I am better, and somehow prove that I actually deserve to have a job at all.

The last thing I need is to be in some ridiculous, hyped up, all female crew photograph posing in front of an aeroplane.

I know I can't hope to blend in, I know I can't hope to be the same as everyone else.  I know jolly well (you're welcome, for the Moderated Language) that I will never be One Of The Guys and that's fine.  I've got this far and I will jolly well keep on going - if I don't die in the attempt - but you can take your photos... and you can... (ok I've run out of Jolly Moderated Language.) 

Maybe I will just buy that acreage and goats and walk away.

At least I am now lying on the bed and not on the floor.