I am about to cut my arms off at the elbows and throw them out to the dogs. I could easily just type with my nose or my toes. I could show you how amazing I am at typing with my toes, except Kurt would throw all his toys out of his pram at the idea of my toes having been on my laptop - I didn't, okay? I just said I could.
I've never been allergic to anything except for light, and that's just weird. I went to a family reunion in Scotland way back when I was fifteen, and apparently the light in Scotland is different from in Ireland (a slightly different level of dismal) and my body reacted to the change in light intensity and I came out in an awesome rash. Awesome now, that is, and absolutely freaking terrible then, as in, cut my arms and legs off at the roots, please, and burn them.
So I stole mangoes off my neighbour's tree, which is a Long Story, and I didn't mean to steal them, although I did mean to take them, but I thought it was abandoned, and it wasn't, and I'm really very sorry but I don't know what to do about it now. So I'm eating them, and that reminds me, the garage is full of mangoes which are probably rotten because I forgot about them. Oops.
So I was at this neighbour's tree, and I stood on this waste pile, and I tried to dig up a baby mango tree to keep as my own, and I fell through the pile up to my knee, and I'm either attributing that, or the mango tree, or sucralose, to the fact that I would really like to cut my arms off and sell them on ebay.
I'm allergic, people.
I'm allergic to something, and I'm not sure what. But I am allergic, and it's really really really really really really really really really annoying. Really. Really.
Anyway the doctor says it's definitely an allergy and I haven't got golden staph or rabies or anything that requires fumigating the house.
Did I mention that I'm going to grow a mango tree? Or, at the minute, grow six, but I'm not going to keep them all. I'm also not going to grow any more. They also haven't germinated yet, which is really annoying, even though google does say 1 - 3 weeks, they've been planted a whole 4 days, so come up already !