2016

2016.  There's a lot I could say about this year, and a lot I won't, but what I will say is that God has been good.  I don't usually post anything "religious" on here, I guess I'm usually afraid of people's opinions, and worrying about what they think of me.  At the same time, it's my space, so I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal. 

I started going to church again at about the time that my life began to completely fall apart, and I have made a few very good friends there.  Having people to talk to, people who understand, and people who, strangely enough, don't judge, has been invaluable.  I have lots of preconceived ideas about church, preconceived from my upbringing, my expectations, and so on, and that's been a bit of a struggle in itself, but it's not about that.  It's not about whether or not I read the Bible, or go to church every Sunday, or remember to pray every night before I go to bed.  At least, for me it's not - I've never been good at that, and I'm all done with striving.

In the midst of everything bad that's happened in 2016, in the midst of all my despair and loneliness, God's still there.  God is still good.  God hasn't changed.  I think a lot about Job, and God-forbid that Job's misfortunes ever happen to me, but I want to believe like Job.  I don't want to experience misfortune like Job, because you know, no thanks, but if I did?  Whether what's happened to me is everything I have to go through, or whether it's only the very tip of the iceberg and my house is going to burn down with everything I have inside, I want to be able to say "God is good." 

I don't claim what Job claimed: I don't claim his innocence or his purity in all his actions, but I do claim that I still believe in God whatever the circumstance.  And in many ways, 2016 has truly tested my belief, and yet I have received so much this year. 

I have friends, who have stood by me through thick and thin.  I have family, who have interceded for me daily.  I have Lily, who has given the best cuddles whenever I've been feeling down, and I have the house, which is causing me a great deal of angst in having to organise, but in general is incredibly exciting.  I even have a new housemate who can be slightly annoying (I thought airplanes were boring, but trains are even more so) but who actually cooks me dinner when I get home from work, and cleaned the house, folks.  Cleaned the house.  I also have work, which can get in the way of life, at times, but pays the bills and is much better than sitting behind a desk.

And as 2016 pulls to a close, and as I plan to actually move into the new house, it is easy to be afraid of 2017.  Afraid of how I'm going to feel when I move in - alone - and even afraid of being happy.  Guilty, perhaps?  I guess what I really need to remember is that I'm not alone.  I might be alone from a relationship point of view, but in every other?  I'm not alone, because God.  I'm not alone, because Friends.  I'm not alone, because Family.  And guess what?  You're all invited to come to my house and Be Not Alone With Me.